I am sitting up late at night, having been quite a busy day. You see, my 19 year old son, Jordan, decided to head to Florida to look for a job and get an apartment, with three buddies, two days ago. That being worry enough, he wants to go to college in Fort Meyers. I know at 19 I was able to find my way to Chicago in an old Ford Falcon 3-speed on the column with holes in the floor (actually, I did this at age 17 while my mom cried at home). Still, we are never ready for our babies to grow up. Craig keeps telling me to let him go. Jordan keeps telling me it is time to "cut the umbilical cord, mom!".............but it wasn't more than a year ago that he was asleep in his car seat in the back seat of my car. It wasn't more than a short time ago he was putting his whole hand in a glass of kool-aid and laughing at me, ear to ear. Or, was it?
Tonite I am home babysitting my 3 year old "grandson" (can it be???") Julien. His mom, my oldest daughter, Cherie, is on a journey to see her brother in Florida and help him get a job. She is a junior at UW-La Crosse, majoring in Education. We all panic at the thought of being without brother and son. Cherie felt like she needed to be near him so begged for time off from Julien to go to Florida. She is, tonite, at a motel in Atlanta by herself.........she missed her flight to Florida because of weather in La Crosse. I was worried sick until I heard from her and that she is okay. I pray a lot. Julien has been a bundle of energy. He is a blessing and feels at home here with us. Rachel, the youngest, feels it is an inconvenience to have him around, but she is, after all, the baby in our family. So, it is understandable.
Change is inevitable in life. Still, somehow, I am so afraid of change that is almost paralyzes me. If I were not afraid of change, it would not be difficult to leave the weather and our home behind in search of new adventures and a more polite climate. If it were not for my fear of change, I could get on that airplane and go to new and strange places. Yet, somehow, I think my fear of change stems from my constant forced transition between California and Wisconsin as a child. Twice a year, like it or not, we were transported by car or train between my home in San Jose to our summer place in Wisconsin. As the years went by it gradually became a longer stay in Wisconsin regardless of my education or opinion. By the time I was 16 my dad was selling our place in California and moving us "forever" to Wisconsin. Don't ever do that to a 16 year old!!! Anyway, I think this is what has caused me to have anxiety over any kind of change that could happen, for good or bad, in my life. One good thing I know it has created is a conscientiousness about how my own children feel about their life. I would never dream of taking them away from their home, their school, or their community. It would destroy them. So thank goodness for blunders our parents make, as it causes us to grow (hopefully) into better parents. Still, I have to wonder, what will happen once the children are gone and we are free to go where we want when we want? First of all, I pray for longevity and health to even have to face those decisions. Next, wherever I go, I want to take the program and all animals with me. Believe me, it will have milder winters wherever we end up, if anywhere!!!
We are in stages of planning for Midwest Horse Fair - fun to look forward to spring!
Hope you all are doing well - be in prayer for special friends who are facing health challenges at this time.
Until soon!
Susan
