I took Monday off due to a feeling of being completely overwhelmed with my life and feeling as though I were in a deep state of depression. It must have been seasonal affect disorder. Still, I feel or felt as though I were standing on a bridge, and on the other side of the bridge were things such as work, my mother moving in to our home, upcoming horse fairs, horse emergencies, office work piling up, and my life's future. I didn't want to cross it - too many unknowns. I think I was so exhausted from a weekend of birthday parties (my baby Rachel turned 10) and 14 kids sleeping over at the house, and my mother being with us for the weekend, and baby Julien who is now 3 being with us..............that I didn't recognize it. I went into meltdown on Monday morning and called in to work. I spent the day looking at my choices in life - how do I make a significant income so that I can stay home and take care of my own? How can I be all that I need to be for my family when I am on this continual treadmill and 40 hour work week in addition to the horses? I guess we all want our cake and to eat it, too. I know many people doing the same thing I am and doing it well. Still, add my mother's health to the equation, recent health care issues, drama within the family, and special events, and it seems too much.
On Wednesday I came home from work and knew something was wrong. Craig was in the recliner and he appeared in great pain. He had been outside and something in his back seemed to just snap and brought him to the ground. He said it took 15 minutes for my kids to get him inside. I wanted to go straight to emergency, but he refused. He spent one restless night in the recliner before we were able to get in to emergency. I won't go into detail there, but two days later we got an answer from a specialist, and Craig has Facet's Syndrome in a vertebrate above the fusion site in his back. Without treatment, possible hospitalization and six weeks to recovery. With treatment, one week to good recovery as long as he rests at home.
Thank GOD! Visions of long-term disability flashed through my head............but the doctor says with care he'll be okay to work and play again. What a relief. So back to work.
Mom may have fractured a rib yesterday - sister called to say they are on their way to urgent care. We are in the process of having her move from 24/7 care by caregivers in her own home to having her switch off living with my sister and I. Pray for her! If she does come to live here I will have to cut my hours down at work to part time - or face another meltdown. Still, I wouldnt have it any other way than to have her be with her daughters as she wants. Another life change.
So on to Springfield next weekend. We are bringing Taser Gun and Janimal. If Craig isn't up to speed I will go the venture alone with the kids. Pray for me! We need a miracle of dollars to pay for the fuel for the 700 mile round trip. If you have any ideas please let me know. Craig says it isn't possible for us to go without support. I thank Andrea T. and Comfortex Mattresses for her recent donation of $200 to help cover cost of motels. Press releases have gone out to the USTA and should appear on the site tomorrow or Tuesday. Taser is a huge name in the state of Illinois. I also thank the Illinois Standardbred Owners and Breeders Association for their sponsorship by paying stalls for us to be at Springfield.
So that is the news - many people coming to see horses - many people in love with RT Rocky - he is getting better by the day and I am sure will be strong enough to make trail rides by summer. A perfect beginner's horse!!! Bad Boy Adam is a stinker to catch but you can do anything with him once you have him. Hollywood Sam is "all that" and dominant - also a stinker for the farrier and to tack up - I have not had the time to get into the saddle yet. Please tell your friends to adopt! Foster!
Until next week,
Susan
