Updates

I took last week off from Tuesday through Friday. Our family planned to haul six horses for a friend down to the Arkansas/Missouri border. We were all excited to go, but at the last minute the trip was canceled. We were sorely disappointed, but decided to take the opportunity to soak up the hot sun at home by taking our fishing boat out to a sand bar and riding at the Kickapoo Reserve. We did it! We did have to fight the clouds and occasional rains, but the full day we had at the Reserve was outstanding, smores and campfires and all. I have been reflecting on the pride I feel in my horse, Cricket, who was born here in 2001, the foal of Asha, a former polo horse from Illinois. You know that feeling when you have a great ride on a horse that you have basically done everything yourself with? We did send Cricket away for two weeks for a great introduction to trails and discipline with Ray two years ago. That was it! Otherwise it's been up to us to get her going. What have I been lacking the last two years that has made me timid around Cricket? I have lacked the time and devotion to her, and that is all - plain and simple. Why take the "green" horse that is half Arab when you have a well-trained Standardbred to ride? It has been totally unfair to Cricket to accuse her of being unruly, or "spirited". She gave me one of the best rides at the Reserve that I have ever had on a horse. I want to give her a lot of credit. I did go to a snaffle with a one inch shank rather than a D ring, and, admittedly, that has given me a lot more control over her when she gets a bit pushy and wants to pull through the bit. I guess I have made excuses and excuses for why I am not riding her a lot these past three years, but this year will be different! As we both gain confidence with each other and build relationship, we will grow and experience many great years together, God willing. Now to polish up Cole, and get Times and Taser going!!

The 35 letters I sent to key people in the racing industry last week have produced no phone calls, no emails, and, worse yet, no assistance. They say the economy is getting better, but it appears that things are much worse here. Unless we can generate adoption fees and adopt horses out, we need to rely on sponsorships and donations entirely to keep the bills paid. We are at a dangerous point here, and would appreciate any suggestions on how to generate donations. I really think the tracks in Chicago should dedicate a race for ASAP, like the Meadowlands does for SRF.
I also think someone could organize a golf outing - just need to find the key people.
We have also considered fundraising in the form of selling candy, candles, etc., but realize there are not enough people to do this effectively. All avenues are being pursued. Even grants that are being written and submitted by professional grant writers for emergency hay funds are being turned down, and this is happening to many rescue groups. We grow weary, but won't give up.

On a personal note, mom is coming back on Wednesday.............and Rachel was diagnosed on Saturday with Mononucleosis!! So when you talk about God's divine intervention in our lives, you have to know why the trip fell through to Branson. Rachel came up with symptoms on Friday, and they were so sudden and so dramatic that I knew I must take her in to see the doctor. After a strep culture and blood was drawn, we waited to hear the results. They came Saturday, and Rachel's nosedive to feeling extremely ill happened then as well. Can you imagine us being in the south somewhere and having this happen? We want to give all praise to God and we are thanking Him that we were able to be at home with a great doctor when she became sick. We had planned a trip to Minneapolis over the weekend, so did go and Rachel and Zach and cousin Jacob were able to visit the Build A Bear Company and Rachel was just so grateful for the little stuffed animal that she is able to cuddle now as she faces a long road to recovery. Out of four children, this is the first one to get mono, so it is very scary. She is only ten!!

We do plan to try a ACTHA ride on July 18 if Rachel is well enough. I invited a couple of friends - if you can make it to Wykoff for this ride let me know! It would be so much fun to show the world how great Standardbreds are on the trail!! Go to
www.actha.com for more details - I am going to sign up for pleasure class this go-round!

My old horse Cash Wilco aka Randy was acting a bit "off" tonite. I have noticed over the years as a horse ages they begin to be away from the herd more and more. Randy was standing in the shed at dusk as I was pushing a wheelbarrow full of hay down to the lower arena. We bonded for awhile, and I thought he may notice he was th lone ranger and run out to the herd of eight in the upper field. Instead he stood, looking so lonely, in the lower shed. He came out to nibble some of the hay I was about to feed the others...........I'm going to keep an eye on him. He is 28 this year. I threw my arms around his neck and remembered the 19 great years we have had together and cried into his mane. I don't want to lose him........I guess if we live long enough loss is a given - still so very hard to believe that I may have to let him go someday. He seems tired, but still rubs his head against me and somewhere, a little part of him communicates to me, "I do love you, Susan". He is so stoic and if he sees me coming with a halter and lead rope he is as far away from me as he can be. Still, when he looks at me, I know. I feel it in my heart.

So go out and ride your horse - be brave! I will be riding Cricket! And Cole! And Times! And Taser?????

Hugs,
Susan

Begging again

Hello everyone,
It's time for me to pass the hat, yet again, as I get a continual update on financial stresses from Craig.
We have had one adoption in the past couple of weeks, and we got a whopping $100 adoption fee for him. No donations have come in the past week or more, yet the hay and feed are still being consumed every day.
I had thought of writing a letter to the former owners of many of the horses in our care asking for funding, but it's the same story, different day for many of them. Bob Cook, Arne, Strawbery, Steelin Apples, Stylish Sharon, Little Jeffrey John, Chevie Silverado, Miss Molly P. Taser Gun, Timesareachanging, Brandy, Chief, are just a few of the names at or near the ASAP farm that are consumers at this time. Let alone the foster farms - one foster farm alone is providing for the needs of Compass, Sugar, Thunder, Comet, and Fox Valley Terror!

Still other foster farms are providing for the needs of Z Tempest, Zeus, May, Mayson with out asking for support.
There are more, but it would take up so much room.
If you knew any of these horses in the past and they touched your heart in any way, won't you consider making a gift?
ASAP is in need of $3,000 at this point to get up to date on payments on the property, feed, and hay. We are in need of immunizations for Z Tempest and others, and wormers. Any way you can help would be greatly appreciated.

If you usually make a bi-annual gift, now would be the time to send your support. If you make a quarterly contribution, also consider that now.

Another question I have is how many of you would be interested in participating in an American Competitive Trail Horse Competition as a fund raiser for ASAP? We would consider doing this at Wildcat or Yellow River, but would need volunteers to help us set up obstacle courses and be judges. It pays cash if you are professional level, and ribbons and trophies for the pleasure classes. Go to their site for further information. If I get enough interest, we'll try to set one up for August or September!

Thanks so much for listening - I know the same song gets old after awhile - we are really hoping to get over our slump soon as things improve.

Hugs,
Susan

Happenings

I want to send out my condolences also to the family of Mike Hoch of Minnesota. Mike came into my life in 2004 when he was searching for good, solid family horses. He had been battling cancer at that time, but he rebounded and was doing well. He adopted several horses from us over the years, his last being Never Smoother. In January he felt the urgency to find Never Smoother a new home. A home was found with a 17 year old young lady who could not be happier! Meanwhile, Mike was not feeling the best and, in January, mentioned to me that his cancer was back. By February or earlier he also had a hospice worker at his house. Now Mike was a young man. I felt like cheering him on and inspiring him throughout his cancer - wanted him to believe in the miracle of healing for his life. He kept in touch by email, joking around in his usual way. Then, I wasn't hearing from him. Heather, who adopted Never Smoother, was excited to update Mike on their relationship which was going so well. But Mike didn't respond to our email. Today I received an email from his nephew, sharing the news that Mike had passed on April 13. I am so very sorry. As usual, I HATE the cancer that takes so many, young and not so young, and leaves families behind to grieve. Mike's nephew believes that Mike is riding on heaven's grounds now. I want to believe that too! We have hope in eternity.

I'll try to send some updated photos of Miss Molly P, Chevie Silverado, and you'll see Timesareachanging and Taser Gun in a pose that shocked even me. Taser, who came to us in 2007, could literally NOT be in a herd with geldings in it. He had been, up until Times came to the farm, only with a mare or two in turnout. Well, Timesareachanging and Taser have become the bet of friends - you'll see them in a relaxed state, rubbing each other's necks, head to butt. They are so funny to watch together! Taser is learning to relax more, and Times seems to be teaching him how.

Meanwhile, my kids are keeping us busy with baseball and softball (ugh). Cherie, my oldest, comes home more often to just "hang out" - Jordan is currently in Ocala, Florida. Tonite he has been invited to a special event by his wrestling school where he is planning on meeting Vince and Stephanie Mc Mahon face to face! My son?
A professional wrestler? I didn't raise him that way!!! But, we are letting him chase his dreams, and all of us are entitled to chase them, aren't we? Jordan's girlfriend Sophie is coming from Germany to Chicago in early July. He will meet her there and spend a few weeks with her. They plan to travel together for three months next summer, unless he graduates from school, is hired by WWE, and goes on the road as "JDV STONE"?????? I am rubbing my head right now!

So here's some pictures to enjoy. Miss Molly P is coming along nicely and is learning to trust more and more. Chevie is still waiting for that forever home.

Susan

Condolences

My very special friend, mentor, mother-figure passed from this life yesterday around
noon. I got the call while Rachel and I were eating in La Crosse. I had planned on going over to see her right after we ate, but it was an hour too late. Maybe for the best, as family said she was not very responsive. For many, it may be a blessing not to see her suffer any longer in that nursing home bed, unable to walk.
She will no longer have to deal with the ruthless, unforgiving cancer and the aggressive chemo. Still, there was bittersweet comfort in knowing she was still with us. Now there is a very sick, empty feeling in my soul but it sparks a desire to sit and write every single thought and memory I have of her so it will never be lost and can only be shared. While I am sitting here prepared to do that, a three week old kitten is "mewing" loudly on my bed and my daughter is asking where things are in the bathroom so she can straighten her hair. Summer vacation has begun, new lives are being born, and life goes on. It somehow seems unfair, and it reminds me that in the circle of life there is a progression from birth to death - sometimes it is fair and sometimes it is untimely. It tests our faith, and brings us to the realization that we are part of it. Time is of essence. Today matters. There may only be today. Live life to the fullest. I have to chuckle when I think of one of the first things I noticed about D.'s house when I first met her back in the 80's was a banner on her living room wall. It read, "May you be in heaven thirty minutes before the devil knows you're dead". First impressions! She was quite the lady.
With D., I had my first taste of moonshine (she kept it in her hallway coat closet for 'special' occasions), mastered my first water skiing lesson on Kentucky Lake, had my first very fancy dinner of many at Jumer's Castle in Illinois, and watched Dr. Zhivago for the first time while talking about "covey of quail" (don't ask - it's embarassing!)..........LOL I'll write more as the memories come, but for D. nothing was impossible or unattainable. Circumstances could make her angry, but she always, always, always forgave, and expected others to do the same with her. She could NOT hold a grudge, always worked hard, but played just as hard. She is alive through her family and through me as long as we are blessed with life. I am most grieved to have lost one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for, and my heart is with her family. Born in October, 1933 - Died on June 7, 2009. Blessed be her memory.

Prayers

One of the most influential people of my entire life is passing away. Please be in prayer for her. I won't mention her name, but I have known her for 25 years. She came into my life as I was a struggling senior in college, and was a mentor to me and a great role model. She gave me things my parents would never dream of providing - she saw me struggling, working 30 hours a week as a nursing assistant and trying to finish my last year of college. She was there for me when the tears came over me and I felt as though I couldn't do it. She provided for me in so many ways - financially and emotionally, and showed me things about the world I had never seen before. We traveled together, we dreamed together, we ate out at fancy restaurants and laughed about good books and our encounters with funny people. While I saw the world as a hopeless place at times without the support of my immediate family, she saw the world as full of opportunity and promise, and was very open in sharing that with me and encouraging me not to give up. We truly lived, laughed, and loved to the fullest extent humanly possible.

I will forever hold her in highest esteem. In these later years she has really struggled with her health. The last time I saw her walking was at my dad's visitation after his death nine or more years ago. She was there for me, even then, to support me in my time of sorrow. Shortly after that time, she was struck by one catastrophic illness after another, leaving her bedridden. Still, the times I visited her, she was full of quips and stories, jokes and some optimism even in her circumstance. I have been worried about her salvation in some ways, yet a person like her has produced so much good fruit in her life despite our spiritual differences! I have had pastors meet with her, and I know that in the end, it is between her and the Lord. Please pray for her these last days. Honestly, I think I'll write a book in her honor.

This has been a melancholy past week. I think my faith is so strong and God is just so "there" when the miracles come. He has
given us so many miracles in our lives that we get used to leaning on Him and expecting things to go our way. When they don't, it is a time of reflection. I always think my actions produce a reaction. I lost my cat, Tommy, last week unexpectedly, and am still trying to rationalize his death in my mind. He was born in a neighbor's boat six years ago. The neighbor allowed the kittens to stay in the boat until they were fairly mobile, then knew he could not keep them there because his dog kills cats. Naturally, I took in Tommy and his brother Lightning. Tommy was always an independent cat, long haired and black and white - absolutely GORGEOUS. Last year he was attacked by dogs and was bitten in the back. I took him in and kept him in the basement to recover. After two weeks he began to act like something was neurologically very wrong. We rushed him in to the vet and he had contracted spinal meningitis. After believing he would not make it, some people went in (staff) and prayed over him. We prayed. He pulled through! So, $425.00 later, we brought him home. Long story short, a series of him being inside, outside, inside, outside, then away for longer and longer periods of time had me worried. Two Saturdays ago Rachel spotted him outdoors and it was a tearful reunion of "Tommy we are so happy to see you and we'll never let you outside again!". The next day he was found under the couch in the living room and something was neurologically wrong again. Sunday night, trip to the vet office. Antibiotics and anti-inflammatories were administered. Order to return Tuesday morning for further evaluation and treatment. Monday he was behind my washing machine most of the day, always calling to me - always reaching out. I fed him. I watched him. No seizures. Just not well. Tuesday morning, up and out the door - and I checked in at work before delivering Tommy to the vet office. When I pulled him out of the cat carrier he began to seize - I mean a seizure unlike anything I had seen. I was immediately terrified and stared at the vet with that desperate look on my face. The vet was concerned for me, as I was close to hysteria. He went right to work on Tommy. I cried and prayed all the way back to work, feeling as though something very terrible was going to happen. Within 45 minutes of getting to work I got the dreaded call - the vets had lost him on the exam room table. His bloodwork was normal - his heart was strong - what could have happened?
I have been over it and over it in my mind - crying out for answers and kicking myself for not noticing something more and being more proactive, insisting he stay at the vets office that day, getting him treated Sunday night more intensely. Still, I can't bring him back. God has prevented that miracle. Maybe it was something I did (is this Old Testament thinking?)........I'll have to wait to ask Him. My son, Jordan, 19, had some insight and told me to quit beating myself up. He said we have to allow things to go and not try to figure it out. He said not to be sad for Tommy. It's really hard.

Speaking of Jordan, he arrived in Florida safely yesterday. I was so worried about him as he drove down by himself - my little boy who is now a big grown up striking out on his own to find himself. It was only yesterday that I was scolding him for putting his whole fist in the glass of milk and spilling it all over. It was only yesterday he was dancing with his diaper on in front of the boombox. Now he wants to go into entertainment and is going to a 12 week school in Ocala - ironic, since my father's first job at around the same age was at a radio station in Ocala Florida! Life is really weird.

Cherie finished up another year of school and is training for a marathon. So proud of her too. She has always excelled at everything she pursues. She is a great girl and so much more mature than I was at that age. A great mom to Julien, too. A model Christian. Just yesterday I was at her ballet recital as a 4 year old in her yellow outfit. Life is so fast.

Rachel and Zachary are finishing up their 4th grade and 6th grade year. Both are active in baseball/softball this summer. Rachel continues to be my little riding companion, and Zach is a master fisherman. He is going to be an enterpreneur - always thinking of ways to turn a buck. I thank God I am having a chance to watch them grow up. Seems like life is all about dodging bullets and we never know who they are going to strike next.

Mom is with my sister this month and I am back at work close to full time. She is doing really well despite her peaks and valleys with Parkinsons. Craig is firing away at signs and keeping busy.

The horses are all doing well and we are surviving the minor dilemmas that come up as families change, move, or deal with their own personal circumstances. We are hoping to rehome Wawatassi this next week to his original savior who rescued him from the Amish and placed him with ASAP. She is anxious to get him back in Iowa where he will never be in another home but only remain with her where she felt he belonged from the beginning!

Thanks to all foster families and volunteers for stepping up during minor crises - thanks to Crisse R. whose band member from the Gleasons donated $100 yesterday - it will go to pay feed bills! Crisse is the adopter of Royal Swan Song and RT Rocky.
Thanks to those who continue to give wherever they can to help us catch up financially. Thanks to Shannon and Andrea to responding to a crisis call involving a foal that is 3 1/2 weeks old who was born with turned under ankles and requires surgery. Shannon and Andrea moved mom and baby yesterday and all are doing well.

I'll write more soon.
Susan