One of the most influential people of my entire life is passing away. Please be in prayer for her. I won't mention her name, but I have known her for 25 years. She came into my life as I was a struggling senior in college, and was a mentor to me and a great role model. She gave me things my parents would never dream of providing - she saw me struggling, working 30 hours a week as a nursing assistant and trying to finish my last year of college. She was there for me when the tears came over me and I felt as though I couldn't do it. She provided for me in so many ways - financially and emotionally, and showed me things about the world I had never seen before. We traveled together, we dreamed together, we ate out at fancy restaurants and laughed about good books and our encounters with funny people. While I saw the world as a hopeless place at times without the support of my immediate family, she saw the world as full of opportunity and promise, and was very open in sharing that with me and encouraging me not to give up. We truly lived, laughed, and loved to the fullest extent humanly possible.
I will forever hold her in highest esteem. In these later years she has really struggled with her health. The last time I saw her walking was at my dad's visitation after his death nine or more years ago. She was there for me, even then, to support me in my time of sorrow. Shortly after that time, she was struck by one catastrophic illness after another, leaving her bedridden. Still, the times I visited her, she was full of quips and stories, jokes and some optimism even in her circumstance. I have been worried about her salvation in some ways, yet a person like her has produced so much good fruit in her life despite our spiritual differences! I have had pastors meet with her, and I know that in the end, it is between her and the Lord. Please pray for her these last days. Honestly, I think I'll write a book in her honor.
This has been a melancholy past week. I think my faith is so strong and God is just so "there" when the miracles come. He has
given us so many miracles in our lives that we get used to leaning on Him and expecting things to go our way. When they don't, it is a time of reflection. I always think my actions produce a reaction. I lost my cat, Tommy, last week unexpectedly, and am still trying to rationalize his death in my mind. He was born in a neighbor's boat six years ago. The neighbor allowed the kittens to stay in the boat until they were fairly mobile, then knew he could not keep them there because his dog kills cats. Naturally, I took in Tommy and his brother Lightning. Tommy was always an independent cat, long haired and black and white - absolutely GORGEOUS. Last year he was attacked by dogs and was bitten in the back. I took him in and kept him in the basement to recover. After two weeks he began to act like something was neurologically very wrong. We rushed him in to the vet and he had contracted spinal meningitis. After believing he would not make it, some people went in (staff) and prayed over him. We prayed. He pulled through! So, $425.00 later, we brought him home. Long story short, a series of him being inside, outside, inside, outside, then away for longer and longer periods of time had me worried. Two Saturdays ago Rachel spotted him outdoors and it was a tearful reunion of "Tommy we are so happy to see you and we'll never let you outside again!". The next day he was found under the couch in the living room and something was neurologically wrong again. Sunday night, trip to the vet office. Antibiotics and anti-inflammatories were administered. Order to return Tuesday morning for further evaluation and treatment. Monday he was behind my washing machine most of the day, always calling to me - always reaching out. I fed him. I watched him. No seizures. Just not well. Tuesday morning, up and out the door - and I checked in at work before delivering Tommy to the vet office. When I pulled him out of the cat carrier he began to seize - I mean a seizure unlike anything I had seen. I was immediately terrified and stared at the vet with that desperate look on my face. The vet was concerned for me, as I was close to hysteria. He went right to work on Tommy. I cried and prayed all the way back to work, feeling as though something very terrible was going to happen. Within 45 minutes of getting to work I got the dreaded call - the vets had lost him on the exam room table. His bloodwork was normal - his heart was strong - what could have happened?
I have been over it and over it in my mind - crying out for answers and kicking myself for not noticing something more and being more proactive, insisting he stay at the vets office that day, getting him treated Sunday night more intensely. Still, I can't bring him back. God has prevented that miracle. Maybe it was something I did (is this Old Testament thinking?)........I'll have to wait to ask Him. My son, Jordan, 19, had some insight and told me to quit beating myself up. He said we have to allow things to go and not try to figure it out. He said not to be sad for Tommy. It's really hard.
Speaking of Jordan, he arrived in Florida safely yesterday. I was so worried about him as he drove down by himself - my little boy who is now a big grown up striking out on his own to find himself. It was only yesterday that I was scolding him for putting his whole fist in the glass of milk and spilling it all over. It was only yesterday he was dancing with his diaper on in front of the boombox. Now he wants to go into entertainment and is going to a 12 week school in Ocala - ironic, since my father's first job at around the same age was at a radio station in Ocala Florida! Life is really weird.
Cherie finished up another year of school and is training for a marathon. So proud of her too. She has always excelled at everything she pursues. She is a great girl and so much more mature than I was at that age. A great mom to Julien, too. A model Christian. Just yesterday I was at her ballet recital as a 4 year old in her yellow outfit. Life is so fast.
Rachel and Zachary are finishing up their 4th grade and 6th grade year. Both are active in baseball/softball this summer. Rachel continues to be my little riding companion, and Zach is a master fisherman. He is going to be an enterpreneur - always thinking of ways to turn a buck. I thank God I am having a chance to watch them grow up. Seems like life is all about dodging bullets and we never know who they are going to strike next.
Mom is with my sister this month and I am back at work close to full time. She is doing really well despite her peaks and valleys with Parkinsons. Craig is firing away at signs and keeping busy.
The horses are all doing well and we are surviving the minor dilemmas that come up as families change, move, or deal with their own personal circumstances. We are hoping to rehome Wawatassi this next week to his original savior who rescued him from the Amish and placed him with ASAP. She is anxious to get him back in Iowa where he will never be in another home but only remain with her where she felt he belonged from the beginning!
Thanks to all foster families and volunteers for stepping up during minor crises - thanks to Crisse R. whose band member from the Gleasons donated $100 yesterday - it will go to pay feed bills! Crisse is the adopter of Royal Swan Song and RT Rocky.
Thanks to those who continue to give wherever they can to help us catch up financially. Thanks to Shannon and Andrea to responding to a crisis call involving a foal that is 3 1/2 weeks old who was born with turned under ankles and requires surgery. Shannon and Andrea moved mom and baby yesterday and all are doing well.
I'll write more soon.
Susan
