Friday, September 11, 2009
Long Time
I am surprised how quickly time passes in between my posts. I have had a few adventures since August 27. Some have been good and some have been not so positive. It has stretched me in terms of what I can handle as a horse woman, and what is not fair to expect. It has made me questioned my own ability to train horses when I am not spending enough time with each one. Craig keeps telling me that I need to just choose one horse as "mine" and stick with that one. As it is right now, R Colelateral has been "my" horse for three years. However, as I have moved more into riding Cricket and working with Taser Gun and, now, riding Timesareachanging, Cole has become more herd bound, difficult, and harder to manage.
Our two day camping trip to the Kickapoo Reserve found me fearful on the trails on the second day. Cole was insisting on being in the lead, but when he got there was afraid of everything invisible under the sun. Combining his spooking with his attitude when I held him back when he wanted to run (hunching up, crow hopping), I was not having any fun. I cried "whoa", got out of the saddle and stood, holding him, sobbing. I explained to the kids I just was not having any fun. I envisioned Cole as a horse that was harnessed to a two-wheeled cart and could literally fly down the road. He would be so happy. Maybe the problem with me is that I am trying to make him into a pleasure horse but that is not part of his character. Maybe I am just looking for excuses to give up. I am really confused at this point. I have taken him out here at home and worked with him more often. I am teaching him how to flex and bend - he has to be the most stiff-necked horse I have ever worked with, which makes him harder to manage when I am riding him. A gal came over to adopt two horses two nights ago, and picked him out of 19 horses because of his affections towards her and his friendliness. She tacked him up and got on and rode. As long as I was around walking with them or trotting, he was fine. I left to help her get a feel for her without me around. He became quite obstinant and barn sour. She said something that made me think. She said, "You sure can tell he is YOUR horse and you are HIS person". There..............now what does that do for my conscience?
I don't want to give up! The same goes for Cricket and Times and Taser. I just have to focus my energies more and do more of the boring ground stuff and daily work and not expect each horse I get on top of to automatically be wonderful on any trail in America I decide to explore.....
We have had a long run of beautiful weather. We live in a part of the country where we are afraid to know what the next day is going to bring, because we usually never have five days of sunshine in a row. Craig would love to move so we don't have to experience another winter, but the two remaining kids at home don't want to go. Coming from a home where my father never thought twice about pulling me up by the roots twice a year to go from California to Wisconsin and back again, I don't wish that on my worst enemy. I want my kids to feel rooted and stable, safe and happy, with the same friends and the same environment that they know and love. I had that in California, but never felt completely welcome as a peer at schools in Wisconsin. I can even reflect that I had the worst education in terms of teacher sensitivity to student needs I have ever seen. I can say this now, since I am a teacher. I remember a teacher in 7th and 8th grade in the local school close to where we live now that was related to me. I was scared to death of her bi-polar emotions, but knew how to save myself by behaving properly around her. I was smart academically, but I sat next to a boy who was basically a non reader. In those days we did not have special educators or title 1 teachers. He was basically ignored and I helped him complete assignments when I could. Each week we would receive a Weekly Reader and part of our curriculum was reading this aloud together as a class. I will never forget dreading this part of my day, when I knew my friend and fellow class mate who was a non-reader would surely be called upon to stand up next to his desk and read.
He would begin to cry, but the teacher, my relative, would let him stand there, humiliated, until someone would say the word out loud to help him. This boy grew up to have many emotional issues in his life, but I can't help but think the teachers could have helped him become a healthy adult if they would have showed some compassion.
The same goes for how I feel about the horses here. Miss Molly P would rather kill me than look at me, but somehow over the summer she has seen me as a sort of friend. She will seek me out rather than running away, and I can stand and pet her without fear of being trampled or struck with a front hoof (unless I try to push her!). Compassion rules my heart -a horse who has no useful place in society will someday find a horse whisperer or someone who sees the beauty in a one-eyed horse with suspensory problems and a dented skull. Maybe in the meantime, God's love can shine through enough here at the farm to show her it is safe to trust. After all, it happened with a kitten that was brought to us last year. She would cringe when we tried to pet her and cry out as if to say "Leave me alone - please don't torture me". Somehow I believe she had been greatly tortured - she cannot tell us what happened but I know something did. After a year of watching us, and our gentle rewarding her for letting us pet her by giving her a special treat, she has decided to own us. If I open my eyes during the night she is next to me looking at me. She is the first cat I see in the morning when I wake up, and won't leave me alone until I feed her. She has learned that she can trust. She now lets me pick her up and carry her all over the house, and loves to be petted. She hasn't generalized this trust to everyone in our house, but someday I just know it will come. Time and love can heal so many things.
I want to share that a former racing champion who was adopted and loved by a dear friend of mine for so many years I cannot count has passed. Broderick, a famous trotting horse originally from Indiana who made over $500,000, died home on the farm last week. He was well into his 20's. His last public appearance for ASAP was at Night of Champions at Hawthorne in 2007. It will take Adrienne awhile to get over the loss of such a great horse. His many years in 4-h helped earn many medals, ribbons and trophies for Kristin and Kathleen. Our sympathy goes out to the family.
Our next event is this weekend at the Carriage Classic in Prairie du Chien! Then the fair, and Super Night in Chicago. We are pleased to say that Alice and Ray H. of Gratiot will be bringing Pistol Pete N (formerly owned by Bell Valley Farm) to be in the Billy Barn area to greet the crowds. Squire One's adopter and Sportsmaster's adopter will help with the two tables at the track that night. I can just feel the excitement in the air for this huge night of harness racing!
I promise to get pictures up after the classic!
Love
Susan