I have not had the heart to write since February 9. I am only human, but should be a bigger person than I really am. When life happens and it doesn't seem fair, I seem to fade away into a place where ignorance is bliss. It is not justifiable. It is not professional, and it is not godly. But, it is Sue's way of avoiding things.
Flaunting It went to her new home two Sunday's ago. I was ecstatic about her new placement with a tried and true adopter. I emailed her to ask how Flaunting It was doing but did not hear from her until Monday. Apparently Flaunting It was eating her feed upon arrival and experienced "choke". The adopter immediately employed the help of a vet.........long story short the choke produced aspiration which resulted in pneumonia. My initial reaction was to get her to UW or a similar vet hospital. That was an option and a hauler was on stand by. I received two emotional phone calls from the adopter about Flaunting It. I have been unable to open emails or follow how this story ended. It is as if I know it ended badly I would go insane.
I know this sounds crazy but I am unable to separate my emotions from the horses. I want to lay blame and guilt upon myself for decisions that seem perfect at the time.
I know the home she went to was the perfect place, but at 20 years of age is it fair to assume that all horses will adjust to a new place as a five year old would? NO!
Was I wrong for sending her to yet another placement after being so emaciated, separated from Spect's Solution, and at her mature age? I will never know!! I can only hope that this has a happy ending and that Flaunting It has survived her pneumonia and is doing well. Until I can be mature enough to open the emails, we won't know. I guess this is called self-preservation....
I think I am finally realizing that working 30-40 hours a week, taking care of 25 horses, and trying to provide experiences for students from Globe University and surrounding places is taking a toll on myself and my family. I find that by Friday I am so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep, but the reality is that there are tanks to be filled and animals to be fed. My children must not suffer, and my house should be clean. I yearn for a way to make it all doable. Not only doable, but EXCELLENT in every way. As of right now I am just struggling to take care of it all but never feel at peace. I do sincerely believe that good change is coming.
Good news:
Fund raiser in the works for ASAP with American Legion in Stoddard WI
Look for more details soon
Illinois Horse Fair - March 5-6. Illinois Standardbred Owners and Breeders Association is paying for four stalls!!! We still are hoping for sponsorship to fund cost of gas for trucking the six hours to get there, and two nights motel (at $60 night)
Bad news:
No sponsorship dollars from IHHA to date.......hoping it will come soon
Adoptions are still down - returns are still up due to peoples' loss of income, jobs
Winter seems to be really dragging on
Please pray for strength to continue, not only in mediocracy, but in excellence, for the sake of the horses.
Thanks to Lori W. and Andrea T. for their continued financial support.
What would we be without you?
Hugs,
Sue
