Life changes constantly, and our ability to change with it and adjust to the ebb and flow of life is crucial to our emotional well being. During the past week I have had a lot of ups and downs, but nothing life-threatening.
Rachel dug her heels in about going to 4-H camp in Galesville last weekend. She has been all about softball and being with her friends, but horse camp was met with flat-out refusal. After a long day at work I came home to the pressure last Thursday of loading up two horses and their supplies and equipment and getting them up to Galesville. While we did that (Alyssa and Jess and Judy and I), Rachel was off playing ball.
On Friday Rachel did not want to go to horse camp but went anyway with Alyssa (our college intern) while I went to work. I can honestly say that went pretty well. My son Zach had a ball game in Coon Valley (hideous name for a town) and we were joined by my oldest son Jordan and his girlfriend, Rachel, who came home from Florida for a week. My oldest daughter, Cherie, also came to the game with Julien. Later, my sister Heidi and her family and my mother also joined us at the ball park. Looking back, I don't think I have felt so complete and content in a very long time. We all were there watching Zach pitch and play, shouting our support, and just enjoying being together. After the game we all went out to eat at the Hideaway in Chaseburg - a big, long table awaited us. I sat across from my grown son Jordan and next to my mother and daughter, surrounded by love. I have captured the time in my heart, soul, and memory, but did not take pictures. I hope my sister, who always carries a camera, remembered to get some!
Saturday I convinced my daughter to go back to the horse camp. We attended a veterinarian's clinic and made some beads for the horses to wear. When it came time to saddle up and join a group, the heels once again dug in. I do not claim to know my kids well enough to understand all of their emotions and reasons behind them, but I do know that if I push my kids too hard they will come to resent the very things I long for them to love. I didn't fight it. We just rode alone and spent time together, then put the horses away and had a girl's day out shopping. Saturday night Jordan went out with friends. Cherie made plans to move some of her things to Phoenix where she is hoping to teach. Changes again.........
Sunday we needed to go up to Galesville again to pick up the horses and load up our things. Thanks to Judy and Jess for cleaning up the stalls and some of our tack. Back home, horses happy, house is full of children now grown and their girlfriends and friends, some new friends and my kids' friends. Full house, full heart.........but messy house too! A pipe broke in our basement which flooded the bedroom which forced three people upstairs for showers and bathroom use. Towels on floor, piled high, dirty clothes sprawled, but still a very warm fuzzy feeling inside.
Unfortunately, Monday came. More ballgames, and everyone spread in all directions. Horses are part of our everyday life - who do we ride, who do we work with, who needs extra feed, which horses in the herd aren't a good fit, and the routine feels good. Mix all of this with my work and the ballgames finding us split between two communities that are fifty miles apart, and you get the picture.
After waiting for my son to come home to go trail riding at Duck Egg, we gave up the wait after 6 pm Wednesday. I was sorely disappointed, but friends and the attraction of hanging with them were probably a lot more exhilerating than a trail ride with old mom. Still, Jordan suggested it.
That's okay - Alyssa and I saddled Magnus, Taser Gun and Fargo. I rode Magnus for a time, until people pulled into the driveway for rabbits......then saddled Taser and Fargo and took a well-deserved trail ride and road ride which Taser enjoyed more than we did! He is in my heart forever - it feels so great to have a horse who seeks me out and wants to come out to be with me. After three years, the magic and the bonding has happened! Another great change.
Thursday work, then race home to play with horses, fix fences, clean out water tanks, watch Sid the llama get sheared and feet trimmed, deworm the llama, and contemplate how much else we could fit in our day before the storm rolled in or the sun went down.........now I sit at 10:00 at night eating vegetarian pizza and trying to suppress the sadness I feel because my oldest son, three hours ago, said "so long" to head back to Florida. As we speak, the horse trailer is loaded with furniture and belongings that my daughter and two of her friends will have us drive to Phoenix tomorrow. Something in me wishes I was dreaming and that she was not leaving me, too. To top it all off, my two youngest kids don't want to go on this vacation.......because they will miss ballgames! AAAAAAUUUUGHHHHHH. We will laugh about it someday (?).
I'll post some pictures from Cherie's college graduation party and a picture of Alyssa on Taser for the first time yesterday, among others. Pray for our trip - we have people here holding the fort down but it is never the same and I am never totally at peace. Still, we have to go! My kids still need me............if you need me in the next week call my cell at 608-792-5126.
Wish us a safe journey on this very bittersweet chapter of life.
Susan
