I walked into the assisted living facility where my mother now lives last Sunday night around dinner time. She was seated in a wheelchair in the dining room with two other residents, slumped over in her chair and fast asleep. Her warm meatloaf dinner and soup growing cold, I immediately was moved to tears. How dare I be away from her? How dare I not know she is here alone and tired with no one to help her eat?
I sat down and nudged her, greeting the other two at the table. She looked up at me, and for the first time, she didn't smile, and her eyes did not light up. She simply shook her head in exasperation and lowered it again to sleep. My eyes welled up until they could hold no more, and tears streamed down my face while I tried to ignore it happening. I cut up her food and nudged her again. "Mom, let's have some good meatloaf!" I faked my enthusiasm. It took many minutes to coax her, but finally she took one bite, then another, never uttering a word. Lately she has been "declining". I guess that is the medical term for her Parkinsons and accompanying dementia. I minimize what I see, encouraging her to once again become engaged in life. Tonite it seemed futile, until after about a half an hour of me striking up a one-sided conversation. When I hit a topic she recognized, she began to smile, and soon tried to dialogue with me. The words came easier, but she did not even turn to validate my daughter's presence. Rachel had been so excited about showing grandma her new glasses - now we just prayed she would smile and say "hello" to Rachel, but that did not come. I flashed back to a much earlier time, when mom used to sit and coax me to eat as a young child. I was wild with motivation to explore my surroundings and play with toys and friends, and often forgot or refused to eat. My mom would take the spoon and make the "choo choo" noise......"here comes de train" in her Norwegian accent. It is like it was yesterday.............and now today.........I sit and the roles are reversed. I will do it, mom! I will always be there for you. It takes courage to see things through to the very bitter end...........it takes so much courage. But love is stronger.....and God has richly blessed me with the best mother in the world. Here's to you, mama!!!